It’s all I can say, but my ladies in the Beta group know what happened, and lets just say… O….M…..G!!!!!!!!
Needless to say, my mind was no where in the right place to write, or do anything for fiction. I may have killed everyone off and stuck my tongue out at the screen. Since none of the Void (my name for the internet from You’ve Got Mail) was responsible for the bad week, well I stayed far away.
Gyllene and a few others sent me the following good news, which did help me laugh in the middle of all of it. (If you click on the banner it will take you to the nominations separated out by the authors)
To all these wonderful ladies who take their time out of their busy schedules to listen to me, look over my stuff or being there when I feel that FML is the best way to describe my life right now. Thank you. I am honored to be nominated, and never, ever, EVER Expected to have my Mummy Crossover get any accolades. I did it because I dreamed it up, and it is aweing me that you guys think enough of it!
The writing contest is ending this weekend. Please feel free to send them in ahead of the time. If you need to look over the pic or the rules, well the pic is below, and you can click on it to get to the rules. I do have a plan for next month, and will be working with my betas this weekend to hammer out details. We will see the results of the contests, the turnout on both sides to determine how often to hold it. I like the monthly ones, but I will say that when the Area 5 Bloody Pen holds their contests, I will take a back seat.
For now, I will be looking over the Fanfiction stuff for this weekend. Friday-Sunday (Which I say Sunday, but often I am chased off the computer!) is Fanfiction time. So we will see what I get up to. I have a huge checklist for a new story, so I will be working on that tomorrow. I want to be artistic right now.
Have a great weekend if nothing else. I am off to work! And thanks again for all those spoke up and nominated me! Truly an honor. Thanks.
For those that know me, I am a huge supporter of the armed forces.
Because of that, I will say my normal piece of that. As for everything going on in our fandom, well. Let us just say that I will think on all of that. Today is for remembering those that gave it all so that we can point fingers and have our opinions. And the right to say them. I was going to make this post about the armed forces and the outrage I feel on their behalf’s for a day set aside to honor them is often spent on forgetting them. But this year Facebook has really done it’s job supporting and reminding you guys.
Instead, I am going to try to put this in my thoughts of why I am done with it all. And why today, Memorial Day, is the day I realized how stupid I have been. I have not honored my fallen and veterans with this whole thing. I am sorry.
Truly, have you thought through the fact we have this freedom? This freedom to post online how hurt we are. What we think on it. How we Hate/Love/Don’t care about it? How we have the right to talk about our feelings behind anything but a closed door and in fear that someone might be listening?
M went to China, and he couldn’t really get on anything. Everything over there is restricted. Facebook, my site is somewhat banned even! After we found out how bad it is to get messages out, we were going to put up a page on my site and have us talk on there. And even that comes and goes intermittently. It seems I am revolutionary. So many thanks to any who read my site in China!!! I know there are some, (which is why we thought it was ok..) but now that I know what you guys go through, well thanks!
Anywho, that brings home what freedom that our veterans and those who fell in battle fought to give me the choice to be able to do. That I can do as I wish, and not worry that soldiers are going to come knocking on my doors. I can write what I want. Complain on what I want. Cuss the government out. Breathe in cleaner air. (seriously the smog reports are not joking!!!)
I have the write to feel and do what I love. All because some very brave souls fought to give me that right.
And I thank them.
You might not think it is a big deal, but we go back to my site is banned because of it being revolutionary. I have ideas. I have the strength to post my opinions. I have the audacity to use my site to promote you guys thinking of those who gave it all. And I am not scared to say any of it.
Then there was my Hubby, M. We were driving to go somewhere on Friday, and in Webster, they had the flags up for the holiday weekend. And he stared at them for a little bit and then said, “I salute and thank each person who served and especially to those who gave everything to give me the chance to be here today. I salute and give thanks to my Grandfather for his service. I salute and give thanks to Bob for his service. I salute and give thanks to (Kittyinaz’s) cousin for his continued service. I salute and give thanks to (kittyinaz’s) other cousin’s service. HooRah!”
I blinked, and just stared at him. While I know he really supports the armed services, this is the first time he has ever said that. But he meant every word. and told me, he has been thinking about it lately. Nothing like a trip to a country that is the opposite of ours to make you more thankful for what you have.
We have shit going on, but it nothing like sitting out in the desert reading something to make me forget about the lives I defended, the brothers in arms who may have not survived, and looking in another reality that does not involve what they are doing. I cringe at what those soldiers are probably thinking, and even our fans. I said my piece when I was hurt. I asked that no one comment. I just wanted people to think over why I am hurt. Not to do anything about it. Just understand.
I applaud anyone brave enough to put their opinion out there, since it is open for anyone to read. Everyone. For if you post it online, you might be surprised at all who is reading it. Some may never comment. Some may never do anything but read it, unable to do anything cause they are restricted and am very aware of the freedoms that we have to do it all. They are afraid to say great job because a knock may come int he middle of night for outsmarting the system to read something outside their country. Seriously. The things told to me make me thankful, but I forgot. I forgot about those freedoms that were given to me.
It made me think what these soldiers who are off fighting for my right to do this, are thinking. And I for one, am going to wash my hands of it all.
Take pot shots at me and my friends. Point fingers and continue to be petty. It is your right. My cousin fought for it. But me for one? I am going to let go of it all. I am going to go write my book and hope someone enjoys it. I am going to continue to hold my contests to help authors, both those who are currently, and those hidden and shy about coming out of themselves. I am going to do what I love, and remember that a contest we threw for applauding the fandom is not worth being so petty. Someone gave their life so I could do that, and I choose to honor and remember them by ignoring it.
What is your choice? To continue fighting over something so small in the grand scheme of things, or remembering that there is freedoms we have that are given on the blood and tears of family members who lost loved ones for that right?
Think on it…
And as long as one person appreciates this, or changes their thoughts, I will count myself lucky to have pointed it out to you.
Kittyinaz
2008 Memorial Day Poster #3. Created by Virginia Reyes of the Air Force News Agency. US Air Force photo by Tech. Sgt. Cecilio M. Ricardo Jr. Air Force Link does not provide printed posters but a PDF file of this poster is available for local printing. Requests can be made to art@afnews.af.mil. Please specify the title and number.
This is the most reviews I have ever gotten on a chapter of Heavenly, and believe me, the muse is sitting up and taking notice. She is muttering to me about making a plan to work on the novel for Monday-Thursday and leaving the weekend to write on Fanfiction.
See what power you readers have? With your reviews you inspire the writers. The more you leave reviews, the more likely we are to turn our attention to the story. When you reread (and I am guilty of this too!!!) and leave reviews, especially on a story that has a sequel planned, you make me pay attention to the story and where my muse starts whispering, ‘maybe we should go back and look at that one.’
Likes on this site also send me emails. This is something I do, I hit like on the stories if I am caught up int he action going on. Or my iPad is being pain and not allowing me to leave a review. But the like buttons work no matter what.
So please, keep up with what you are doing!!! It is amazing and exciting to wake up, expecting that you may have got 4 reviews, and instead had more. There is one more chapter to be published, but maybe now I will go back and see if I can write a few more.
Plus, just a hint, if you really want me to work on a story, get your friends and you to do a bunch of reviews. You have to entice the muses people. They live on praises, and our praises only go so far.
Now, I know I reblogged it just a couple of minutes ago, but please, make your voices heard. 4Padfoot has opened the polls for 24 hours, and the previous one information is gone. So this is your chance. Tell your friends. There is one chance, and you have up to three time in each category to decide on. Lets not let this opportunity pass you or the rest of us by. I voted…did you?
I had some private messages asking for clarification, so let me explain what the database is.
I do rec pages here on my site. (they are under Other Goodies). Have since I started this site. Since then, they consistently have been on my top tens since then. One is always there. Often True Blood and Twilight, but hey, they have the most stories and is a big part of what I write.
To make it easier to describe, here is a screenshot of what they look like now:
Yes, they were copied originally from my favorites on FanFiction.net. Luckily however I did it, (and I do think I copied directly from one to the other!) the links came with it. Over time, some people moved, and we updated the links to them.
We go through and check the links, but it is harder than you think to update these.
FanFiction does not have a real organization for you to find the latest stories you added. They do it by update, or other choices. So we were going one by one, on my favorites, to try to figure out what to add. Add to that I am infamous for going back through a fandom and finding old completed stories to add as favorites, well you can see the problem. It was literally line by line check. Not something that was a good idea. Not with everyone wanting story updates and so forth.
After last year’s You Want Blood Awards, I made a database that I slowly been adding fandoms to it. I have not really added anything, but a few websites and some blogs I know have written things in Dr. Who and so forth. I was testing it for the big ones. I ran it by the impossible to ever replace 4Padfoot, and she cheered since it comes out in a spreadsheet version.
Here is a brief look at the information I am collecting (in the database itself). It is shortened so I can fill in the blanks as I go without having to move the screen around:
There are additional fields, but they are for other sites, such as Dokuga and so on. There is a place for me to mark if I reviewed the story yet, as well as a place for notes. I am not caring about reviews, since I don’t care about them when I read a story, nor about the views. This is pure, this is what I like, and recommend to others to read. To be truthful, the views and review numbers change all the time and there is no way I want to try to keep up with that. And some are spread over different sites and so forth.
I use the descriptions I find, and that box after the link is for 4Padfoot and I, in case the story disappears from the internet, we can click that check mark off and remove it from the lists. Completion dates and so forth is for the You Want Blood Awards and for me later when I do the Crossovers. It is also to let someone know if a series is still active.
I am not posting full stories (I use up enough of my own free space without adding more!!!!) and am only wanting to share the stories I love with others.
For the Crossover site I am doing, this database will also hold the stories on it. No more information, no less. Well, they get pictures if they ask nicely.
If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me.
This past weekend, I spent a lot of time thinking about things.
I talked with two very good friends of mine, listened to what they had to say, and thought about it some more.
Then last night I talked over the issues with my husband. My best friend, the man I have been dating for 20+ years, and married to for 14 almost 15 years. And his comments were eye opening.
We went through the concerns I had, suggestions I had from my friends, and his thoughts on it.
And can I say the man knows me better than even I knew?
First, he told me he could tell I have been unhappy, and slipping into almost depression. But he also knows if I didn’t ask him, I would not listen as well to what he had to say. Plus like he said, we wouldn’t know what works and doesn’t unless I try it. Second, he told me how I really am, the person he has known all these years, is not the one I present to everyone else.
I admit, with his thoughts on it, I am an introvert. From an extrovert family. I have very little knowledge of interactions with others beyond a certain part. I have been taught that I need to interact with people, and like any human being, I want friends. The problem? I don’t know what to do with them, besides what I have been told and taught. I got spoiled for a couple of years, the friends we have in Tucson accept me completely, my little hang-ups and my in ability to understand some social norms that everyone else just knows.
I rather stay away from people, and life has taught me they are cruel.
The mistake I made, was that while I have no issue standing up for myself, (and Mr. Kittyinaz said an introvert does NOT mean that I don’t have a spine) I thought an introvert wouldn’t be like me. I will stand up for myself and tell people what I want. Instead it just means I rather be by myself, and not in crowds, I rather deal with people in emails, in writing than on a phone or in social media, not person to person. Which is odd, because when I worked and needed to tell someone something, I rather do it in person. Mr. Kittyinaz laughed, and he told me it was so I could see their reaction. For me to be able to stop talking when I think they are not listening. A learned behavior. But when left to myself, I rather deal with people in a step away from being present. Talking on the phone is a particular torture, I have to respond in real time, and cannot see what their bodies and facial expressions are saying.
I am not afraid of confrontation, to the point, that if I see something that bothers me personally I will step up.
But he explained to me what my problem was. My mom explained it best per Mr. Kittyinaz, when I offered a solution to someone’s problem. I shocked them and my mom laughed and told them I never realized there was a box to think in.
This is pretty profound, and it describes me exactly. Hubby pointed out that because I don’t know what the box is, I don’t react or think like others. I don’t know what is allowed or not, what is acceptable except from learned behavior. And with me not really being around people until I was in 5th grade, when I was tossed from a school that made no big deal about people being different than others and part of a class of 12, then tossed into a private catholic school in another state and knowing nothing, it messed me up even more. I learned certain social norms, but I was an outcast. I was punished for being beat up, and learned that people in responsible positions, positions of authority are not to be believed perfect. And to fight for myself, since no one else would.
My brother is an extrovert to the nth degree. My aunts and cousins are all extroverts, and they don’t understand me. I learned to keep my head down, and say nothing, since my thinking was so far different than theirs, they could not understand it. It was only until later, when I was being applauded for being different and applying those different thoughts to solutions that no one thought of, that it was seen as something different. And absence does make the heart fonder on both ends.
So what does this all mean?
It means that there are changes coming, but for the most part, you guys benefit.
My home life is making me depressed. We looked into maybe medication, beyond the light one I am taking already. But the bad side to the medications, is while it will dull the unhappiness I feel, it will also dull the happy times. No thank you. I often feel like I float through life without major emotions, and I don’t need it to be encouraged.
So my husband told me, when I was happiest, was when I was escaping my reality. In the past, when I worked, I worked obscene hours. To escape being home. I wouldn’t care if I got paid for it, since I got rewarded with not dealing with all the crap around me. I didn’t have the fact I am different being implied that it was bad. I do this almost automatically and he nixed me volunteering and such until we tried things his way. Why? Because I would spend all my free time in doing that, and not as happy as I am usually writing.
When I got sick, was when home and work started blending. To top it off was when I was sick, there was something wrong physically, and I had no idea what to do.
Then I found fanfiction, and started to write. Mr. Kittyinaz told me he wanted to cheer with how happy I was. It was the reason he encouraged me to keep on, and when I tried to do new things, he kept on encouraging me, along with our family and friends in Arizona. And when I came up with the idea of writing a book, he was happier. He thought that this was what I needed. I escaped my reality, and was around people who encouraged me to do this. He told me he thought I was an awesome writer, but he pointed out in the last year, I haven’t had a dinner conversation with him about new ideas. Not one. When before I told him everything in the past few years.
And he noticed things were getting worse. But knowing me, he just waited.
He liked me being around, but was getting more worried with the amount of time I was spending and being around the family, getting depressed. He didn’t know what was going on, but he listened when I ranted and raved about things going wrong.
He waited.
Then last night when I told him what was going on, he told me what he saw wrong in what I was doing. I was leaving my escape behind, because that was the solution I was given. I was working too hard. He shrugged and said to others, it may seem so. And to a point, they are right.
Then he told me what he has observed about me. If I don’t think I did enough, I am hard on myself. I hate being lazy, and while I love reading and just vegging, I am hard on myself when there is stuff for me to be doing. I loose respect in myself. Which starts a cycle that the only way to break it is to do what I want. Work.
He pointed out that this past weekend was one that I was happy about, and I played games on my computer. By myself.
When I told him I was thinking about cutting back the writing contests, he asked me how I feel when I am hosting them. What stressed me out, and what didn’t. And then told me to set down some rules. Like banners are made by me with my characters used. If after the contest, the people wish to have them changed, they can ask. Also to give myself (and 4Padfoot!) extra time to go through the entries, read them and then make the banners. I like to give until the 15th for the voting part, he said to relax and make it not hard on myself and give me 5-7 days to get the entries out. As long as the contest ends at the same time, it is no different to anyone. The same on the opposite day. Let me have the time to add the names of the authors and what place they are. But he told the other side of it, was that I was happy seeing the reviews and helping other out. Me being happy was the main point, I just need to eliminate the parts that made it harder. I can do that.
The other part, was that right now, it really sucks editing. But I was trying something new, and seeing if it would be better to write it all out and then edit. I am able to say no. It sucks. So he came up with a way that was a middle line. Work on the stories as they flow, then go back and edit when I am hitting a spot where I am getting to where I would switch stories. That way when I came back to the story, it was a clean slate. I just write on it. This will head back to the older way of doing stuff, but as he pointed out, I often write a bunch of chapters at once. It may make posting erratic, but he recommended for everyone, to keep to schedule I had come up with. If I skip a week, there was no chapter. It appeals to my inner OCD.
Again, his point was that I need to do things that made me happy.
But he did agree that I worked too hard, and his middle ground was that the weekends are his. Not mine, but his. He will be planning things to do, since he too needs to get out. Instead of always taking grandma shopping on Fridays, to maybe go visit the zoo and other things. We have a fence, and we need to go out with the dogs to watch them from running under the house and free. We also throw the ball and play with them. To keep that up. And even when he has nothing to do, then I can play games.
To keep going to the gym.
To go through my Facebook and eliminate people who are not close to me. I will be posting something as me, for people to reply to for me to keep them. Otherwise I am deleting them. Family I have to keep… but everyone else should be cause they want to be friends with me. To know me. If you want stuff about FanFiction, like my Kittyinaz Page or join my group.
To stop trying so hard with people I think are friends to be other than myself. To explain to them how I am truly, and leave it to them to decide if they want to remain friends. To stop giving into others, trying to make them happy so they will remain friends to me. He pointed out that it adds to the stress. If people want me to be less stressed, then they need to accept me as I am.
To say the conversation with him last night was an eye opening experience is to compare Eric to Bill. No comparison.
He hit the nail so many times it was kinda scary, but it made me feel better. The one person who I am married to actually really gets me. He told the real reasons he wants me to write, is because it makes me happy. Life is too short to spend it being miserable. I get to sit here do what I love with my dog at my feet. I get to make pretty things, and had an eye opening experience with a photographer I met this weekend and when they looked over my site and what I do with Photoshop. I thought I was still a baby and didn’t do anything that awesome. Their response had me reeling. A complete stranger telling me that she has been in classes for years, and not able to even know half of what I do is possible. Take a clear day picture and add weather? What a concept.. (not to me, but according to her, she never thought about it that way…)
My husband had a lot to say on that. I am hard on myself. I have had to live up to impossible expectations, on things that were complete opposites of what I am for so long, that I accept that I will fail. I was told that accepting praise for something that I find easy is very wrong. I should always work for praise.
Yeah, he had ALOT to say about that one. But he did tell me that if nothing else, this time with me around my family, taught him a lot of why I am the way I am. Why it took me years to open up to him and his family. And then seeing the growth from me being accepted for being myself. How everyone comments in both good and bad ways how I am different, I stand up for myself a lot now. And he reminded me that I need to regain that assurance.
It sounds so contradictory to myself, but as he pointed out specific events, I realized that was what I have been doing. Backing down to keep people I like around, scared of putting myself forward. Which is opposite of what I am. But I took some hard knocks recently, and started second guessing myself again. And as they kept coming, he pointed out the more time I stepped away from my escape, the worse I felt and got.
I guess it was revenge for all those times I said I was right, and really was. He had to get one huge shot in. But he told me he would be good for awhile, as long as I listened.
*snicker*
So, I wanted to write this, to let you guys know what is going on.
I am going to be writing but I am still planning to finish the database stopping everything to work on it on the 15th. Then I will finish up any editing, and then work on my novel. Now that I know the real reason, I am going to prove him right in believing in me, and doing what he can to deal with me. I love the man. But sometimes I think he needs to talk more and less teasing. It was something he promises to work on, as long as I remind him as he will be reminding me to keep up on this stuff.
I will be missing Fridays – Sundays. Sometimes Monday, depending on what happened on the weekends if I need time to rest from spending time in crowds.
I will try to apply the same rules I do to betas to myself, but to respect myself as well. This is my escape, and I need it to function without being depressed. Take control of my life, and see who wants to be a part of it now.
And mostly, try to make less drama.
He also pointed out that my two friends were very right when they said I need to learn to say no. Not only on here, but also in my private life. He understands the issues there, and will be helping me. Agreeing to just keep people liking me is very stressful on it’s own.
I will be hosting the You Want Blood awards after my novel is done, for Crossovers. If anyone wants to help, let me know. I am planning on no one helping, and know that the first time is a doozy. The crossovers have to have a Vampire fic as one of the crossovers officially. And while I know Twilight very well, as well as the TB/SVM ones, I am not familiar with the TVD, Vampire academy and so on as well. While they don’t have to be about the vampires themselves, unless the category said it did, I figure we should honor the whole You Want Blood name.
Mr. Kittyinaz approves this as he said I was extremely excited with this idea. There are not enough awards for crossovers. Not them by themselves. There is the Non-Canon Awards, and I think mine. Other than that, they often get grouped in with the other contests.
So the lesson I learned? Listen to the hubs, and stop thinking I am normal. Everyone is unique, I understand that for everyone else, I just need to apply that to myself. Just be patient while I unlearn some bad habits.
Sounds so easy to tell to others, but to actually do it? Not so easy. Forgive me when I mess up.
But I am still on my vacation thingie. I was supposed to go to Shreveport next weekend, but then we cancelled it. But I was told that we will go to Arizona, and spend a load of time there. Like a huge chunk of close to a month and more. But he wanted me to relax and I will mention why later on.
Last time I was gone, I wrote a little story called All I Want. I finished ED, and You’re while I was there also. I got a ton of work done, and enjoyed myself fully. And none of it felt like work.
So what am I doing now? I am working on the sequel of the Mummy/Twilight. I decided the call the series Path of the Stars. And the second one is You Get Lighter, One chapter down, and the next is ready to be done, but the muse won’t shut up yet for this chapter. I am thinking it will be soon. They are about to go to dinner…
The first tease is in the Facebook group. And I am aiming to edit what I have when I am done with the other stuff. Remember, for me these are short. 10-12 chapters. Each. And I am writing when I want, otherwise I am dealing with everything around, and working when I feel like it. I am hoping I will be all rested and get the rest of the stuff done here shortly. Taking three days to edit one chapter, that all I had to do is approve or not the changes the beta wanted.. well my hubs said I was burning out. I hate editing and it really is work for me. Writing is not work… It’s fun. I finished one chapter today and will be finishing the second and probably get 1-2 chapters a day out until I am done…
The other big thing, is that 4Padfoot and I have discussed many a time about Crossover Haven. I had mentioned that I couldn’t load the stuff for some reason, and some of our writers cannot manage doing stuff I can. (I had an awesome teacher!) We talked when she found the FanFiction.net theme when we were looking for themes for this site. Then she showed me an idea she had… And then I am surprised when Gyllene and 4Padfoot launched their new site. It was not just for crossovers, but for all fanfiction.
It is called FanFiction Affliction. And it rocks. They just launched it, so they are adding things as they are being told about it. I already loaded up All I Want to there, and Carolized. I was loading ED, but we ran into a snag, and until it was fixed, there was no reason to continue until it was figured out. I will be loading 2 stories, as well as a one shot each day until I am caught up.
For those wondering, it is the theme that TWCS and Twilighted, Granger Enchanted and so many others run on. 4Padfoot was an admin to Twilighted, so she is familiar with the program. As well as knowing a lot of the people behind the scenes at some of these other sites… There is no approval process, you sign up, you then get taken to the sign in screen for the screen name and password you entered, and then you go to work. That is it. I am excited for this, and as you know, I love anything that allows our freedom in writing.
They promise no deletions without notifications. Which I know we all are tired of. They do the age verification for you, so all you do is load up the stuff. Follow the very easy rules, and done. Seriously. This is just so easy!!
They have a group in Facebook for any issues and for those that do not see your fandom in there, let them know, and they will add it!!!
So I will see you later. I will try to work on the last banner for the AIW. yep you heard me. One last banner. and the story is done. I will be using the shield that MistressJessica1028 gave me to use.
It truly is amazing the stuff you can find on the internet. I searched Alexander Skarsgard leprechaun and the picture above is what popped up. I think it is fitting for today. Sorry I missed posting last week, but Daylight Savings in the USA screwed me up. Losing one hour completely wrecked my week. I…
Can someone please explain to me why I am seeing more snow in March than I did in the entire months of December and January???? I should be getting ready for spring, not worrying about shoveling 8 inches of snow. The only way snow in March is acceptable is if it this is part of…
Hello lovelies. I cannot guarantee I will be back to publishing weekly, but I will try. My dear beta, kleannhouse, is in high demand trying to juggle the stories of three writers. She is amazing and she makes me laugh with all of her comments on my stories. This one especially. I started this story…
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