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“May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.” – J.R.R. Tolkien
I ran through the woods blindly, yet seeing everything before me in perfect clarity. I had to escape although I knew I never could. Nothing could severe his hold on me except for the final death of one of us. I was doomed to an eternity of slavery and there was no way out. I had become a disgrace to my family name, a disgrace to myself. Never in my human life had I experienced such cruelty and I had seen much regarding the callousness of men. I have experienced torture, seen men, women and children savagely cut down before me. However, nothing I had seen in war could have prepared me for the atrocities that had been bestowed upon me since that fateful night on my way home. If only I had not stopped for what I thought was a wounded man. My mother had always told me that I had a pure heart, a heart to match my size. My father however told me it was much too big for a warrior of such prowess. They had never been more right and my own demise was the result; this solitary life of endless torment. The horror that I am consumes me sometimes no matter how I fight against it. Even when I am strong enough to control the urges, he forces me to betray myself. I had to flee even if only for a few hours, I need to find solitude. I am on the edge of losing myself; on the verge of just giving up and giving in to him. Sometimes I think it would be easier to forget who I am, to just give in to the monster he wants me to become and lose myself.
Still running through the woods at top speed, I have no idea where I am going. All I know is that I have to escape him, for however small a time I can manage. My body always heals but my mind needs the reprieve from his endless taunting. Tonight of all nights, he was especially cruel. There was no fighting him; he always gets what he wants from me. The attention he bestows upon me is unwanted, no matter how my physical body responds; no matter how many times he says I will come to enjoy it. I know he is wrong; I have an evil master. I am still too young to be on my own so I never stay away too long. Others would easily take me as their slave and then kill me without a thought. It is only my master that protects me. That is why I find myself running through a forest where I can sense nothing, neither life nor death dwells here and I welcome the quiet solitude it provides. The fact that I cannot sense any living creatures should have given me pause. I am used to the silence, the night sounds always die away when I come into an area but I can still hear their heartbeats. But here, there is nothing, it is like I am completely alone. In the distance I smell water, a lake in the middle of this peaceful desolation. Maybe I will have time to swim and stare at the moon before he summons me back to him for punishment. There is always hope that he will leave me alone one day; that he will tire of me and move on. It is his mission to break that hope in me, to kill any feelings that I have; he has made it his mission for almost the last hundrað ár (hundred years). There is no way I can let him rip my humanity from me, no matter what cruel things he forces me to do I have my pride and my honor. They make me who I am and I will not let him take them from me.
The lake is getting closer, I can smell it. I am always drawn to the water; it offers me a sense of peace and a small piece of my homeland no matter how brief. Suddenly there is a small light in the distance; I freeze where I am, unmoving and silent. How did I miss someone out here? I do not hear a heartbeat but it has to be a human as they are the only ones that require light in the dark. I speed towards the light, not full speed but faster than a normal man, going silently so I don’t scare off whoever it is. I should be hungry although I find all my urges left me upon seeing the light. I am curious as to who is there. Something about it calls me to it, something familiar and unknown at the same time. The light is like a beacon, reminding me of the lights that would guide us home from sea. There was no happier moment than when we would spot the light set on the end of the docks for us, signaling that we were almost home. That light offers the promise of peace and warmth at the end of a long journey and instead of avoiding it as I would usually do when alone, I head straight for it. I make sure to try and tamp down the bond with my maker as I approach the strange light ahead. I am unsure and anxious, excited even for some unexplainable reason and the last thing I want is for my master to come see the object of my intrigue before even I get to discover what it is. The night is still, I can detect no heartbeat from anywhere around me. It may be foolish to continue towards my destination without first discerning if what lies before me is neutral or foe. I dare not think that I have a friend or ally. My master has made sure that I am alone, utterly alone except for him and I will remain that way until he releases me.
I come to a stop at the edge of the clearing surrounding the lake. The sight takes my breath away. It could be a lake in my homeland and I instantly feel peace for the first time since I became this demon form. The moon is half way through its journey, a silver crescent in a dark sky full of stars, some muted by the light of the moon’s glory. The trees smell the same as I remember around my village and the sounds of the night fill the air suddenly. They are sounds that I have not heard since I stopped for the man at the side of the road. At the edge of the lakeshore stands a maiden holding a lantern clutched in her hands. She wears a beautiful gown of fine white flowing fabric with small black patterns embroidered upon it. Her hair is long and wavy, from the glints of moonlight reflecting off of it; it appears to be the same color as mine. It is soft, silken and golden reminding me of ripe fields of rye in the summer; I long to run my hands through it for some unexplainable reason. I cannot see her face but something about her presence fills me with a curiosity and a sense of ease. The oddest thing about the encounter thus far is that although the moon is brightly reflecting off the lake making it look like early dusk, everything from her chest up is hidden to me; dark even with my excellent vision. There is still no heartbeat to be heard and I do not smell her but the sight of her instantly fills me with serenity. My instincts do not tell me to attack her; I am grateful for that because nothing good ever happens when I feed. No matter what my wishes may be, my maker assures that I will do the worst possible thing as soon as he feels me feeding through our bond. Against every trained reflex I have learned I step out into the clearing, exposing myself to her, wanting her to see me, drawn to her light as a moth is to a flame. I stop halfway to her, not wanting to frighten the lovely maiden before me yet wanting to be close enough to see her face and smell her. I long to take her in my arms. She approaches me, coming so close I can feel her breath against my skin. My eyes close involuntarily at the warmth enveloping me from her nearness. When I hear her voice it sounds like a Valkyrie and my eyes snap open.
“Hello my Viking, I have waited for you.” She looks up at me and I drown in her eyes as she speaks. They are a beautiful deep blue reminding me of the oceans in summer. I could happily drown in them, the waters so cool and clear that you can feel life itself in them. They are also welcoming and familiar…and safe. I should be on alert for any signs of a trap but in that mere moment I realize that I would surrender to this Valkyrie if she would have me; I would let her pull me under. It would be a far better fate than what awaits my return and a far better death. I still have not spoken and I still cannot see her but nothing matters but having her in my arms. I want to pull her to me. Instead I stay still, willing myself not to move; afraid that if I do it will frighten this beautiful creature from me. I never want to scare her. She touches my face lovingly and I kneel on one knee before her, bowing my head.
“Do you know me mi’lady?” My voice is soft and full of wonder, I try to sound strong and confident but find that I am lacking in my attempt. Her touch has me offering my total submission to her; I would give her my existence.
I look down in my question but she places her hand under my chin to draw my eyes back to hers as she smirks, “not really…but I wish to.” Her answer both excites and frightens me. If my master sees her he will make me kill her after perpetrating unspeakable things upon her magnificent form…yet the thought of never seeing her again tears at my heart. I have never been this enthralled with a woman. I loved my mother and I came to love my brothers widow but nothing ever felt like this. Her hand has left my chin and is now pulling leaves and twigs out of my hair. I had taken no care in avoiding anything as I fled from the most recent horrors. My master and I had recently arrived in the court of a fellow demon and my master offered my body to the court in exchange for our room and board. I was forced to comply with their desires, both the men and women and I was commanded to go to ground still unclean. He knows of my preference for cleanliness and purposely orders me to remain soiled. It is another way he tried to break me. I am forced to endure the stench of my defiled body until he allows me to clean myself. Never had I imagined such things as have been done to me and that I have been forced to do. My eyes fall to the ground quickly as shame and guilt and rage wash over me. I am a disgusting slave, forced to do unspeakable things, no woman will see who I am. How could anyone want me like this? I feel my hands clenching at my sides as I fight to control myself and stay still so that I do nothing to make her fear me. I still do not know her name.
“Shh,” she whispers as the lantern floats slowly to the ground and her arms wrap around me, drawing my head against her stomach. “I have you and you are safe here my love. He cannot find you.” I relax into her embrace and pull her closer as my arms wrap around her waist. “Let me comfort you in any way you need for the short time we have.” Burying my face in her stomach I can suddenly smell her and her scent is sublime. I am consumed by a possessive desire to claim her and keep her with me always. She will walk by my side for eternity; I will no longer be alone. I can no longer feel my maker’s hold on me; there is nothing but her and I in each other’s embrace. This is right, this is best. I feel safe and begin to sob uncontrollably for several moments hiding my face against her stomach, clutching her to me. She strokes her fingers through my hair, relaxing me completely in her arms. There is no comfort for me since master found me. I have lost count of how many nights I have spent with him. Being twisted and tortured to submit to his every thought is tearing apart my soul. It is starting to seem like there is no hope of ever getting away from him. When my agony subsides she lifts my head once again to gaze into my eyes. I try to look away, feeling shame again for my display of weakness and the evidence of my status in this world clings to me. Her thumbs sweep gently under eyes, bringing them back up to her face and wiping the flow of grief from mine, leaving peace and softness in their wake. I search her eyes for any sign as to why she would grace me with her kindness. Surely I must frighten and repulse her but there is no pity or fear to be found on her face. It would pain me to ever see those feelings directed at me from her. Her face is still hidden from my view.
“May I not look upon you mi’lady?” I inquire, looking into her eyes. They are so beautiful.
“Does my face matter so much to you my warrior?” Her voice holds a small playful smile to it. It makes me smile in response, something I have not done genuinely in a very long time.
“Not really,” I reply my voice light and teasing, mimicking her words from moments ago. She snorts in jest at me, a most unladylike sound and I chuckle in genuine good spirits. She then gestures to a pallet of furs that lay just behind us on the dry ground off the shore. My eyebrow rose in question to her. “You would know me mi’lady?” I ask in truth. Why would she want me of all the beings that roamed the earth and the beyond? Surely she has many men fighting for her attentions; she is a goddess. I have seen and done things now that I thought only stories in my days before I became demon. She could not want me. I am a wretch on this earth, unwanted by all.
“Do you doubt me good sir?” Her voice is gentle and kind and I know I can deny her nothing.
“No mi’lady but I am no man,” my voice trails off at the end and my eyes look to the ground, ashamed of the monster I have become. The evidence of what I am now is clearly visible since the eruption of my emotions.
“I know what you are, you are my champion and I want only you. Do you not wish to know me?” Her voice was strong and sure, there was no doubt about what she desired of me, the same thing every being that saw me seemed to want and yet I somehow knew she wanted more. “Will you not let me comfort and care for you?” What did I want from her? Could I let her care for me? I am embarrassed by the state I am in; ashamed of what I am reduced to.
“What may I call you mi’lady?” She smiles at me as she grabs my hand and leads me to the furs, guiding me to my knees as she stands with her back to the moon, her face still in shadow.
“May I care for you this night my warrior? Will you allow me to worship you as you deserve?” I slowly nod yes because I know I would regret saying no for the rest of my existence. She begins to undress me and I let her, hungering for her skin to touch mine. She is so warm and soft; her touch makes me forget the unkempt state I am in. It feels like the most pleasant fire ghosting across my skin, warming me. “I am called,” she cut me off putting her lips softly to mine. All of my thoughts cease as I feel her warm lips upon mine. My eyes open in wonder as she pulls away; searching for the reason she left me wanting.
“You are my warrior,” she said tenderly as she removed my shirt, kissing my chest where my heart used to beat and started to unlace my pants. “I am your light,” her gentle voice continued, “here to guide you through your darkness.” I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensations running through my body. I have not felt this safe and content since I was a man. The woods were alive with the soft scurrying of night animals as it should be; usually they were silent when I was about. The waves lap gently on the shore as the wind spoke softly through the trees while this beautiful woman tenderly and deftly undressed me. It was a dream that I never had any more, it was the hope that I had been quickly losing. She gently pulled me to stand up so she could rid me of my pants. I stood naked and proud before her, glad that the shadows hid the evidence of my torture. My body was not unaffected by her tender care. She took my hand and turned to pull me into the lake with her.
“Let me bathe you my lover. Let me wash away the scars of your many battles.” Her voice was soft over her shoulder, her golden hair now shining in the soft moonlight. When our toes touched the waters her dress disappeared and she stood naked before me. Her curves illuminated by the pale light were heavenly. Her hips were soft and full, she would bear some lucky man many children some day if not already. I longed to be that man but knew that it could never be. My legacy ended when I became demon. She is the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. We waded out until we were standing chest deep; the water was warm like a bath. Her legs wrapped around me as her hands began to gently cleanse me in the warm waters. I dipped under the waters to wet my hair and rinse my face. She was still with me when I surfaced and wrapped around me once again. My head lulled back as she began to run her fingers through my hair, washing it and softly scratching my scalp in the process. A noise I had never heard before rumbled through my chest. She chuckled softly as she pressed herself closer to my body.
“Why do you show me such kindness minn ljós (my light)? I do not know you and yet you bathe me. You offer me safety and somehow hide me. I can feel only you within me. How is this possible?” My hands could not stop touching her, softly caressing from her thighs to her shoulders as I held her loosely to me. Her smile was gentle while she pressed her soft lips to mine. She pulled back and continued to cleanse my body. The feel of her soft hands on me ended all my questions as I gave myself to her completely and let my mind go.
“Be still my protector. Swim with me and do not worry about such things now,” she requested when we parted. Of course I obeyed, who was I to deny her? We swam and laughed while we dove and played in the cool waters of the lake. Somehow the lake cooled after I was bathed; it felt just like the waters of my homeland now. I felt alive again and happy here with her in our secret place. If this was a dream then I never wanted it to end. I caught her as she tried to swim away and pulled her flush against me, reveling in her warmth and softness. I tickled her just to feel her squirm against me, delighting in her response to simultaneously escape my hands and be closer to me. Both were something I had not experienced since master found me.
“You offer little in the way of warmth minn drengr (my warrior),” she said as she wrapped her arms and legs round my body. “I grow cold in these waters. Will you warm me?”
“There is little warmth left in me at all anymore. I am sorry I cannot warm you as you deserve.” She smiled sadly at me as I swam us back to the shore and carried her to the furs. We were somehow both dry in the short moment it took me to get us there. I wrapped her in a fur and began to stroke her form outside the furs in an attempt to warm her skin.
“There is warmth in you yet my Viking. You are deep, you feel; I know there is love in you.” I sat in front of her, ready to deny her words but I found I could not. I knew deep down I could love her. She kneeled behind me as I sat cross legged on the furs and began to weave my hair as my wife used to. My eyes closed as I savored the feeling of care and love she was gifting me. “You asked me why I chose you earlier, the answer is easy. You answered my call. It was foretold that my protector, my true mate would answer my call. My light drew you too me. I am your light, your safe harbor. It is our combined magic that allows this place to exist. You needed me so I came. I could feel your despair, you were almost lost and I could not allow that to happen.” She tied my hair with a small strip of silk from her gown and pulled me down against her so that my head rested on her hips. When my eyes met hers, she whispered the words that I will never forget. “You are mine as I am yours, forever. We are destined.”
I quickly caged her in with my arms but she did not even blink at the speed of my actions. “I am yours mi’lady, of that let there be no doubt. You are mine?” I asked suspicion in my voice. How could this beautiful creature be mine? I had nothing; I was nothing but a slave, a disgrace to my family. She nodded and then I crashed my lips to hers, claiming them in a possessive display. My new nature was coming out, taking over me. I struggled to keep it under control still, after this many winters. “Tell me again,” I whispered, needing to cling to this feeling of having something that was good, something that was only mine.
“I am yours minn drengr. Everything I am is yours.” Her voice was strong and sure as she stared into my eyes, challenging me to make her mine.
“Let me love you, I will be yours for eternity,” I begged her. My entire body screamed for me to take her in every way. She yanked me down to her mouth by my hair and kissed me passionately. Wrapping her legs around me she pulled me tightly against her, moaning softly when she felt my eagerness for her. I worshipped her body for hours, unable to quench my need for her, wanting nothing but to show her endless pleasure so that she would never want another.
“Are you mine,” she challenged me. I flipped her on top of me so she was in control and continued to make her whimper between demands.
“Yes, I am yours minn ljós,” I cried out. If only she would keep me I would protect her for eternity. I will gladly be her warrior for she is a cause worthy of going to battle for.
“Then make me yours, as I will make you mine, drink from me my warrior,” she demanded. I was scared that I would be unable to stop and that I may hurt her but she reassured me that it was not possible for me to hurt her. We were mates and as such could only protect each other; we could never cause the other physical harm. I believed everything she told me; my core told me she was true. The little vixen tormented me, pulling my hair and gently biting me everywhere her lips touched until I gave into the demon within me and drank from her. It was the most divine thing I have ever tasted and when she took my blood into her from the small bite she made at my neck I was sure I had been taken to Valhalla. I drank from her many times in many places and never did I take too much. She loved me time and again, worshipping my body as I worshipped hers. She was a gift from the gods that I thought had abandoned me long ago.
When we lay sated and cuddled under the furs to keep her warm, peace and happiness filled me. Her warmth under the furs sank deep into my core making me feel warmer than I had since I had been a man. I could feel her life pulsing alongside my own and I rejoiced in it, feeling her contentment. I kissed the top of her head as she drew patterns across my chest with her fingers. Her embrace gave me the courage to ask the question that I dreaded the answer to. “My lover,” I kissed the top of her head again before continuing, calming with her scent in my nostrils. “I am yours; all that I am belongs to you,” I felt her smile against my skin. “Will you keep me; will you take me with you and let me protect you?” She began to kiss my chest up to my neck as she crawled across my body, blanketing me in her silky softness.
“My sweet warrior,” she placed a kiss to my lips. “My lover,” a kiss placed on each of the reminders of what I am; “I will keep you in my heart always but I cannot take you with me.” My soul felt crushed at her words. “Where I go you cannot dwell and it is not safe for me here with you.” The pain that swept through my heart at her words would have brought me to my knees. Anger rose up inside me as the hope she had shown me was crushed. Grief quickly gave way to anger.
“Then why come to me now,” I yelled my voice rising in anger, ”Why show me what could be only to take it away from me?” My voice choked in my throat at the end. I went to get up but she soothed me with her touch on my face. There were tears in her eyes that pulled at my heart. I kissed them from her face and savored the sweet taste upon my lips. Despair welled up inside me as my voice began to break. “I do not want to go back. I fear he will win. I would rather die than go back to him. I have nothing but you. Take me with you mi’lady. It is a far more honorable death to die in your arms than to go back to him.” I was pleading with her not to leave me but something deep within me knew it would do no good.
“My lover,” she kissed my lips; “my mate,” she kissed my forehead; “my friend,” she kissed my left cheek; “my protector,” she kissed my right cheek; “I came to you not to hurt you but to give you hope. You were almost lost this night. I need you to live for me. You must be the strong, brave, loyal warrior I know you to be and endure all that comes across your path until we meet again.” She kissed me deeply and I wrapped my arms around her letting her scent soothe me.
“I do not understand. If I am yours and you are mine why do you leave me?” A tear rolled down my own face as I thought of an existence without her by my side. “Do you not want me? Do I shame you with what I am?” The thought of her being ashamed of me ripped at my core. She kissed the tear from my face before she spoke.
“Your master is cruel; I have seen the things he does to you.” Her hand stroked my face and wiped my tears as I looked away in shame. “Look at me my beloved,” her soft tone commanded me and I could not resist. “Do not be ashamed. He is the monster, not you; everything you endure at his hands will make you a more formidable warrior. You will survive but he will not release you for many winters still.” My heart clenched and fear gripped me at her words. “Do not be afraid my mate; I will never leave you. I will never be ashamed of you. I will always be with you here.” She placed her hand over my dead heart. “My heart will know you always but I am not strong enough in this form to fight him. You are not yet strong enough to protect what I will become. It will take me many of your winters to gain my strength that will allow us to be together again. Will you wait for me?” Her eyes begged me now, implored me to wait for her.
“Yes,” was my simple answer; there was nothing else. I would endure Ragnarok itself if she promised to be waiting for me at its end. “I will always wait for you, you are my light.” I cupped her face and kissed her gently. “How will I know you?”
“We will meet again in another time and another place after your master tires of you. It may be many lifetimes from now but I will come to you again. You will be a maker and I may have a new form and not remember you but my heart will know you as yours will know me. We will be drawn to each other just as we were tonight. Look for my light and let it guide you.” Her voice was hopeful and full of promise. “When you think there is nothing but darkness, think of my light and let it soothe you.” It renewed my hope that I would one day be free of him and have her back in my arms.
“I have not yet seen your face my lover, how will I recognize you?” Even as the words left my mouth I knew it was not true. I would know her anywhere. She was a part of my soul now. She was my hope and I would never let her go.
“You already know your answer my Viking. Let your heart guide you; do not close it off. You must remain strong and not let him break you. Do not forget your love or your light and leave me or I will be forced to wander time alone, never to be born again.”
“I will never leave you. I would stay with you for the rest of my time if you would keep me with you. I will protect you always.” Even though I had just met this strange woman I knew within my bones that I would do whatever was necessary to protect her. She is mine and I will gladly protect her with my life. She said nothing but her eyes were sad. “How much longer do we have minn ljós?” My fingers ghosted over her soft skin, enjoying the feel of it beneath me.
“Only a few more hours my love,” she said sadly as she ran her fingers through my hair. “I have but a few brief moments in time to embed my love for you deep enough into your heart so that he will never touch it.” She kissed me softly at first, deepening the kiss as she wrapped her tongue around my fang. Her blood hit my tongue and I moaned in pleasure. I have never tasted anything so exquisite. Soon we were lost in the throes of passion once again. Everything about her tasted of ambrosia and the feel of her in my arms warmed me to my core. She was so hot and sweet wrapped around me. She showed me what it meant to worshipped and loved as she gave me pleasure I never knew existed. The moon was low across the sky as we lay content together again, my face buried into her hair. I wanted to remember everything about this night. I felt a warm wetness on my chest where her head rested and smelled something salty and sweet.
“Why do you cry mi’lady? Have I hurt you?” The thought of hurting her tore at my chest. I never wanted her to cry because of me.
“I will miss you my warrior. Stay strong and remember me. I fear it will be many, many winters before we meet again.” I kissed the tears from her face.
“I will wait for you to bring me home, you are my light. You will guide me again.” I ran my fingers through her long soft hair and held her to me. “Thank you for…this,” I said as I gestured to our surroundings. There were no words to adequately describe what she had given me this night. She smiled up at me.
“This is not only me; this is what we can do together. I will be stronger when we next meet and better able to defend you. You need a warrior by your side as well do you not?” I smiled at the small woman in my arms. She barely came to my chin and yet the fire in her eyes told me she would be my greatest ally and strongest protector. I would one day have a fierce shield maiden by my side. “Thank you for answering my call. You will be my strength when I have none as I will be yours. We shall be unstoppable.” Our lips met and she whispered into my lips, “Until we next meet my warrior…remember me.” I died for the day with her warmth and scent enveloping me.
That was the last thing I remembered with her. The next time I opened my eyes I was wrapped securely in the soft furs we had lain on and dressed in garments of fine soft cloth like her gown. I was underground near where we lay and I could feel my master once more. He was curious and calling for me but not angry. I stayed there for just a moment and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent one last time that clung to the furs, trying to catalog every moment with her so that I could keep it deep within me. I still felt her warmth in my arms. My master’s call grew more insistent and I reluctantly dug my way out and went to him. I brought only one of the furs with me, determined to make it into a cloak and keep it with me for as long as possible. I can tell him I killed a family and stole my garments; he would enjoy that tale. I will never forget the beautiful woman who holds my heart. She is my light that will guide me throughout the long dark of my life. She gave me back my hope and my sanity.
Over a millennia later…
The disdain I feel for this venture, the ennui that surrounds my nightly activities is at stifling levels. I sit on my throne, night after night, appearing to lounge although I am tense. I never relax unless I am alone and in my day chamber; it is what has allowed me to sustain my undead existence for this long. My eyes dart around my establishment looking for anything amiss. All I see is an endless sea of red and black undulating to the rhythm of the bass that thumps through the speakers. Endless nights blur together; I would rather be anywhere than here. There is no light or hope in this place; they are something I saw once, so long ago that at times I think I dreamed them up to escape, to keep a piece of myself. That night could have been a hallucination from blood loss at the hands of my sadistic maker. I have been telling myself it was all a lie, there is no more light, it never returned. Everything here reeks of desperation; the scent seeps into my clothing and clings to me when I leave. From my elevated position I quickly know that my dinner will not come from this place tonight. I want something that smells fresh and clean although that is a rarity anymore in this age of indulgence. There is indulgence in ‘beauty products’, cologne and gravity defying garments meant to make the wearer appear better than they are. All are a mask humans hide behind, afraid to face what they really are. We are all stripped bare at our blood. I stifle the urge to sigh and lean back in my throne. This wooden chair and my ridiculous outfit are ostentatious here but the clientele love it; they add to my allure or so my child tells me. Why on earth anyone would ever wear just a vest is beyond me even if I do make the outfit look good. Still, we market to the image of vampires people want to see, not what we really are. We too hide behind our masks. This throne is the only thing in this sea of darkness that reminds me of my home but even it is tainted with red and black like the rest of the establishment. I wish it was not here. I would much rather it reside in my study so that it too did not smell of desperation.
The look on my face appears callous and indifferent but the truth is that I’m bored with my existence; I yearn for a good battle and something worthy to fight for. It has been so long since I fought for something that meant anything to me; something more than pompous greed under monarchs who knew not how to lead. There was once in my long undead life that I wished to lay down my life for another but that was a mere fantasy. None are worthy of that honor other than my children. This unlife is easy; laziness and greed run rampant among all kinds. I scan the bar nonchalantly; always alert, always ready. For some reason I am uneasy tonight which does not suit me at all. I feel like something is going to happen and I have no idea what. Strange tingling sensations have been creeping up my spine and into the area my dead heart resides since I woke tonight. I’ve been weighing the options of relocating just to change up the scenery. I miss the snow and the way it illuminates the land; it has been far too long since I have smelled the crisp clean scent of it blanketing the earth. The tingling has started again growing more intense in my chest, prickling out around the long dead organ like fingers trying to prod it to life. Nothing has resided there in over nine hundred years. Only that one night many lifetimes ago has anything touched my heart in such a way and I closed it off long ago to stop the pain of her continued rejection. Much like Odin and his pantheon, hope has forsaken me centuries ago and I refuse to allow it to dwell in my thoughts. Yes, I think a change of scenery it exactly what I need. I need to be out in the night air in fresh hunting grounds. Gods these vermin smell disgusting tonight.
Unexpectedly I feel my usually stoic child’s curiosity and desire flare and then amusement pings through our bond. Since she is working the door tonight it is extremely out of character for her to be amused by anything that comes through our doors. Humans rarely surprise either of us anymore, now I’m intrigued. She is next to me before the crowd parts, even before I can look for what drew her attention.
“We have a visitor from the queens personal retinue this evening,” I raise my eyebrow at her wondering what the queen could possibly want but she continues. “He says he is mainstreaming but more importantly, you must meet the little ball of sunshine he has with him for the evening. She smells exquisite.” She speaks in Old Norse, the language of my long dead people. It was one of the first things I taught her upon her rising so that we could speak freely no matter where we are. I nod to her and she bows her head and stands to my right side, just behind me. She is a spectacular child; I did well in choosing her. Focusing on the door, it is suddenly filled with a soft warm light and a gorgeous creature that parts the crowd in the way the sun used to part the clouds after a storm. Her eyes met mine briefly before she is lead to the bar by that insidious worm with sideburns. The second our eyes lock something seizes in my chest and the tingling sensation begins to burn through my whole body. It seems familiar but it is a feeling I can’t place which unnerves me since I have perfect recall of every moment of my undead existence. Something is tugging on the back of my mind like I know something crucial about her but can’t remember it. Forgetfulness simply doesn’t happen and I know I must get closer to her. She is a bright ray of light that smells of sunshine and summer even from this far away. All eyes turn to her as they focus on their prey; a low growl erupts from chest letting them know that she will be mine. I have claimed her and they wisely look away quickly or will forfeit their life. She is everything I want tonight to quench my appetites but more than that, I desire to protect her at all costs and feel her in my arms. What the hell? I hold no one, humans are all simply to fulfill my needs but I do not hold them. I don’t want them around for more than a night. They always enjoy their time with me but I don’t protect or hold any of them. There is something about her though, something so familiar. She calls to me like the light at the end of the docks, like the lights that used to guide me home.
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