The mind is its own place,
and in itself
Can make a heav’n of hell,
a hell of heav’n.
~Milton
Loneliness filled me as I took in the view of the city that we had both loved so much. He had been gone for months now and still his loss felt like it happened yesterday.
I could still feel the warm strength of his arms as they embraced me. The softness of his lips as they caressed the skin of my neck. The sleek, hard planes of his body as he took me to heights of passion that I hadn’t known existed.
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, still able to smell his unique scent; cologne and heat and man.
I missed him.
In heart.
In soul.
In body.
But he was gone from me.
Lost forever to the cold and callous actions of a few.
He had tried to protect me and had paid with his life.
I wish it had been mine instead.
With a sigh, I turned and made my way back into the penthouse we had shared.
I should sell it and move on but I just could not bring myself to leave the last place where I had been blissfully happy with the love of my soul.
Making my way to the kitchen, I poured a glass of his favorite wine, savoring the taste of it, bringing back the vivid memory of his heated kisses.
Tears of loss, sorrow and anger traced their way down my cheeks as I questioned the still night surrounding me; anguish nearly choking the words as they left my trembling lips.
“Why……why did you do it my love? Why? I begged you not to. I begged you to stay safe. I would have healed from what they were doing but I will never heal from losing you.” My head dropped in despair, a ragged sob tearing from me. “Never.”
“I am dead too my love.” I whispered. “Dead in my heart. Dead in my soul. They killed me that night too. They just didn’t know it.”
I finished off the wine, quietly setting the glass next to the bottle.
“I’ll be joining my body with my heart and soul once more tonight my love……..perhaps I’ll see you then.”
My eyes closed, my last words a fervent prayer.
“Please…….. let me see you then.”
I moved slowly, methodically, as I drew the tub we had shared so many languid nights in, full of steaming water.
As it filled, I lit the many candles around the room and dimmed the lights, setting out what I would need on the side of the tub.
When it was full, I closed the tap, trailing fingers through the fragrant water that will comfort and embrace me as I leave this plane.
Slowly I slip from my silken robe, allowing it to pool at my feet as I step into the soothing heat of the water, sinking into it with a sigh, a tear, and a smile.
Very soon I will see an end to my waking nightmare.
I barely feel the blade as it slides through the tender skin of my arms; the crimson fluid that sustains this life bereft of him flooding from the deep cuts like rivers, swirling and sinking into the water surrounding me.
Dropping the reddened blade, I welcome the feeling of fading; from the loneliness, from the hopelessness, from the pain.
As the last tear I will ever cry traces it’s way down my cheek, I fall into the comforting darkness, his name a whisper on my lips……………..Damon.
When I awaken, it’s to darkness, heat and the feel of strong arms enveloping me.
A familiar scent surrounds me, and silken lips move with mine, stealing the very breath of my soul.
I don’t dare interrupt this dream.
My eyes, I do not open.
I gasp as the kiss is broken, hearing the voice I once thought to never hear again as the backs of his fingers gently caress my cheek.
“ Look at me beautiful, and tell me why you are here.”
I meet his gaze then, only to see his vivid blue eyes misted with the tears which now choke his voice; his questions desperate.
“What have you done baby?
Why, Bella?
Why?”
I caress his face and smile gently, my gaze locked with his as I give him the only answer there is to give.
“Because Damon, you are my Heaven………..
……….even in the midst of Hell.”
~Fin
